Monthly Archives: September 2013

Social Media Etiquette After A Break-Up

Chatter Commencing.

“I want to punch him in the fucking face!” you’re screaming, as you angrily turn the keys in your car. You fume the whole drive, hate singing along to Taylor Swift’s Mean and gorging on a bag of Funyuns that has been sitting in your backseat for two weeks. The stale crunch clashes with Taylor’s spirited solo, and you slam both hands on your steering wheel in rage.

You get home, throw open your car door, and rush into the house. You stomp past your mother who just stares after you, mouth slightly open, a look of empathy mixed with annoyance on her face.

You slam your bedroom door, and dive for your computer. Your first instinct is to tear him apart on Twitter and Facebook, and your fingers fly over the keyboard, typing up an awesomely spiteful status update about that time he accidentally hit himself in the face with his own hot, masturbatory load.

Just before you hit send, you pause. social-networks-V2

Don’t worry. You’re not alone. In this digital age, people are very quick to take to Social Media to express their feelings.

But in the case of relationships, do not do it. Seriously, just don’t do it.

Instead, practice some social media break-up etiquette. Now, every break-up is different, so not all of these rules will apply to any one relationship. They are more like guidelines for a happier social media life. So, heed the warnings!

1. Do NOT rant about your Ex on Facebook. Everyone wants to do this. It has become almost an instinctive reaction to either good or bad news. The whole Facebook world needs to know about it, right? Wrong. Please, keep that shit to yourself.

2. Instead, post an upbeat status about where life can go from here. People want to hear about the good things, and posting a positive status will rally your friends around you, and might lead to a random evening of drunken shenanigans featuring new, hot humans.

3. However, do NOT post that status that is clearly about your Ex, but to most friends, it is so vague that we know you’re just imploring for someone to ask what’s wrong. Need an example?

“Why do awful things happen to me, when all I do is try to be a loving person?!?”

You look like you’re just begging for attention, and honestly, it bugs your friends. Instead you want to throw out a fun status that shows you are capable of living without your Ex.

4. Yes, feel free to delete your Ex, unfollow him, and basically eliminate him from your social network. It’s your personal network, and if you don’t want to see him/him to see you, by all means, get rid of him.

However, I would advise against blocking the Ex, (unless necessary). If you might have a chance of being friends, being a super closed off drama queen is surely the way to get deleted. I know not everyone wants to be friends with an Ex, but he/she was very close to you for a reason. By not blocking, you leave the option for friendship open.

Also, if your privacy settings are as tight as they should be, deleting him should do the trick. Lesson here? Delete. Don’t Block.

5. In the same breath, if you are Facebook friends with a lot of his family or friends, feel free to slowly wean them off your friend list. Yes, you can delete all in one fell swoop, but this is one of those things where it isn’t going to hurt you to wait a month, but might cause some strife if you go on a deleting binge.

That being said, you’re also more than welcome to remain friends with people you met through your Ex. If it was a friend of his, that you are now friends with, feel free to maintain that new relationship.

6. Do NOT post explicit photos of your Ex. If you were dating long enough, it’s likely that you both have some dirt on the other, especially in the way of pictures. Save them. In five years, you’ll laugh at your past self. But if you post them, you’re asking for a war. And no one wins there.

7. Avoid the urge to stalk your Ex at 2 AM. I know this one is really difficult. But when you accidentally hit like on a status when you’re back in 2010, you’re going to hate yourself.

And trust me; you don’t want to see the other pretty girls who have been waiting for him to be single who are now commenting on all his statuses and pictures. It’s better getting a clean break, and just avoiding his pages in general.

8. If you start dating someone else right away, try to keep it off Facebook. You don’t want to cause unnecessary drama (or maybe you do), and posting about your new boy is definitely going to bite you in the ass. I know that you really want to tag him with your cute brunch picture. It’s okay, the world will survive without knowing you went out with a new Mr. Steamy. That’s how it used to be. And this is actually a good segue for “Social Media Etiquette at the Beginning of a Relationship,” to come in future weeks.

9. Finally, when in doubt, do NOT post anything when you’re upset, angry or sad. I’m talking anything. It could be liking a status, tweeting something snarky, or just writing “I Miss You” on his wall. Don’t do it! None of these are things that you’re going to look back on in 24 hours and think, oh yeah, that was smart.

Break ups suck. It’s a fact of life. But Love is great, and people will continue to search for it. Just remember, along the path to finding that right guy, you’ll have some stumbles.

So, just make sure your social media self doesn’t create more issues and drama than your real life.

Closing Chatter.

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Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Love & Relationships, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

24 Small Wins In Life

Chatter Commencing.

There is nothing quite like a mini win to brighten up your day. It could be a nice warm cup of Starbucks coffee or seeing your crush when you’re actually looking good. But the little things are usually the best ones.

Here are 24 small wins that just make life better!

1. Singing in your car alone. Everyone loves to turn up the radio, and belt out their favorite music, and there isn’t an environment better suited for a solo than your front seat (well, maybe the shower).

2. Opening the door to a happy and expectant animal companion. It is such a warm feeling to have the chance to pet a pooch that has been waiting for you all day long! His excitement picks you up even after the longest day! And it’s even been proven that petting a dog has great therapeutic side effects!

3. Seeing the look on someone’s face when you give them a really personalized present. It might have cost you zero dollars to acquire, but having that perfect little gift makes someone light up. I love the feeling of creating such joy.

4. Saying something with someone at the exact same time, especially if it is super odd, like “here come the worms” as you’re both standing on the balcony during a rainstorm.

5. Binging on Netflix. It is such a relaxing way to spend a day, recharging the batteries for the upcoming week. This one is particularly great for a rainy day.

6. Waking up to a heart-warming text message from a friend or significant other. Most times, having that morning boost gives you the energy to tackle the day!

7. A good, long hug when you’re stressed and on the brink of an emotional collapse. The warming, soothing feeling of someone’s arms around you just has a way of turning a day around.

8. Seeing a shooting star when you’re driving at night. It’s awesome to be surprised by a blazing streak of light in the sky. Plus, you get a free wish, and that’s just cool.

9. Spouting off a really witty retort when your nemesis comments on your questionable choice, and seeing them sputter without an answer. It’s great to win a mental battle here and there, and there’s nothing like silencing your buddy with your witticisms.

10. Finding that $20 you put in your winter coat in the Spring. It’s fall and for the first time you’ve busted out your winter jacket. You check the pockets, and there is a 20 with a note saying, “Hey future Jackson, enjoy a round of drinks on me. Past Jackson.”

11. Getting an actual letter in the mail from someone. It’s all bills and emails and social media these days. Who can not jump up and down when they receive that letter from a real human!

12. Not being able to find a single thing on TV and then stumbling on to a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family. Bonus points if you catch a movie right at the beginning!

13. The cold deliciousness that is a cup of water the morning after a night on the town.

14. The moment when you climb into bed the day of doing laundry. It has clean sheets, a fresh smell, and the bed is made up so nice and tight that you can’t help but feel like a little kid again!

15. Catching the lights on your way through the city. There is nothing worse than sitting at red lights on the way home from work. There is also nothing better than catching them all.

16. Speaking of vehicular wins, it’s the best when you’re trying to find a parking spot, and you can pull through the pair of lanes. Now you don’t have to back out, and the mini win is sure to cause a jumping heel click.

17. That moment when a random stranger compliments you on something in your attire. It’s so gratifying to receive this type, because it’s genuine, surprising, and flattering! Talk about a day brightener.

18. The moment you start to pee when you’ve been holding it for hours. I don’t know if this applies for girls, but there are times when I need to urinate where the ten seconds I’m trying to get my belt and zipper undone seem like an hour. But the feeling when you unleash the whiz falls short of only the orgasm and sneeze on best bodily functions list.

19. I don’t know about you, but when someone says to me, “You just made my day,” I get that same feeling. It makes my day to make someone else happier.

20. Opening the refrigerator and actually seeing something you want to eat. Instead of just a meaningless, monotonous display of the things no one wants to consume, you’re lucky enough to find half a chocolate cake on the first shelf with a note from your roommate saying, enjoy!

21. Being the first person in line when a new cashier comes up and saving ten minutes on your shopping run. This is especially awesome when the person in front of you has about $300 in groceries and you’re just getting two loaves of bread and a gallon of milk.

22. Putting on a pair of sweatpants that just came out of the dryer. It is like sliding into a warm cloud of awesome, especially on that dreary Saturday afternoon.

23. Waking up in the morning, turning over, and seeing that you still have an hour before your alarm clock is going to go off. I can’t describe the joy that is an extra hour of sleep!

24. Bacon.

Closing Chatter.

Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Roommate Rules

house-rulesChatter Commencing.

So you are about to move in with some new roommates. The three of you are best friends and you have been hanging out all the time! However, you’ve never lived together and you’re about to move in.

Get ready, because even the best of friends can turn into the devil’s spawn when you share close quarters. Here are some general guidelines that you should follow!

1. Everyone loves a long and warm shower. But timing is everything. No, you shouldn’t stand under the water for every drop of hot water at 830 on a weekday. There are others in the house. Take that long shower on a drizzly Saturday morning instead!

2. If you use the last of a toilet paper roll, refill it. The next time your roomie sits down and goes to wipe their keister after a full-splatter explosion that was a Chipotle burrito the night before, she’s going to want some TP.

3. If you make something that uses more than 2 pans, you must do the dishes. I know that everyone is in a hurry these days, but if you had the time to cook on more than 2 devices, you’ve got the time to wash your dishes.

4. If you need some of the following items (milk, butter, cheese, eggs, bread, baking supplies, etc) feel free to borrow it. Just know that you should replace it with your own, and know that yours might be gone in the future.

5. If you have a Brita filter, and you pour yourself a glass of water, add more water to the pitcher. There is nothing worse than a freaking pitcher with half a cup of water sitting in the fridge. The same thing goes for Ice Trays.

6. Have a really open conversation about cleaning in the first week. Make a list of the tasks you all think need to be accomplished, and make a list of weekly tasks. I know I mentioned it above, but finding a good “Dishes” schedule is crucial.

7. Rotate taking out the trash. It’s so easy to just cycle through roommates on this one. Don’t let garbage cause a rift amongst you.

8. When my bedroom door is closed, that means I am in my own space. By all means, knock if it’s important. But if I want to talk, I’ll leave it cracked open. Yes, I might just be binging on Pinterest, but I also might have my pants around my ankles while throwing darts at a picture of my ex on the wall.

9. If you want to have one friend crash on the couch, you can alert your roomies the day of. If it’s more than 1 person, you gotta give some warning, preferably more than a couple of days.

10. Be understanding in sexual circumstances. One of your roommate’s is getting lucky? Put in the headphones and ignore those moans. You know you’ll appreciate it when you’re the one between the sheets.

11. If you have a boyfriend, and he sleeps over at our place, he needs to leave the facilities on a regular basis. No one signs up to live with their roommate’s significant other. If he is lounging on the only community couch all day, your roomies might be put off.

While this list just scratches at the surface of the intricacies of a roommate relationship, they are great things to keep in mind. Let me know if you have any other examples of rules you like, and I’ll try to get them on the list!

Closing Chatter.

Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Sorry I’m Late. I’ll be there in 15.

Chatter Commencing.

Everyone is late. Everyone needs to cancel. Here are some quick texting excuses to use next time you are in a bind, and need a little extra time.

> I’m held up at the grocery store. They are training this hot cashier, so I’m stuck in a slow line. I’ll be there in 15.

> Yo, I just stopped and helped this dude jump his car. Karma points for me today! I’ll be there in 15.

> I had to slam on my breaks to avoid this idiot on a bike, and my coffee spilled on me. Gotta zip home quick. I’ll be there in 15.

> There is an elephant in the middle of the road. I’ll be there in 15.elephant

> I dropped my phone in the toilet and had to dry the crap out of it. Gotta buy some rice. I’ll be there in 15.

> Dude, the traffic is insane. There is a stoppage at the corner of random ave and no chance blvd. I’ll be there in 15.

> My mom just called, and I had to talk about life things. I don’t know what’s going on in my life, how do I get that across to her? Oh well. End of rant. I’ll be there in 15.

> Finally. Stupid bus driver had to stop at McDonalds. It’s like, come on, you’re overweight already. Anywho, I’ll be there in 15.

> The line at Starbucks is so freeaaaking long! Seriously, does this dude really need to get his whole office lattes? Kiss ass much?! I’ll be there in 15.

> Yo, I am stuck behind this train. It’s at 89 cars already and I can’t see the end. I’ll be there in 15.

> Holy crap. I just saw this dude get hit by a car on his bike by this Asian chick. Then the chick drove off. I gotta stay and talk to the police. I’ll be there in 15.

> I am dropping my roommate off at work because her bike tire is flat. I’ll be there in 15.

> (If rainy) Over by my place, there was a break in the clouds and a sweet rainbow. Sorry, I’ll be there in 15.

> I got sucked in to the live version of Freebird at the Atlanta concert in 82. You gotta hear it. I’ll be there in 15.

> Some dude just walked in and yelled Free Pizza! I’ll be there in 15.

> (For Girls) I was out of the shower and the power went off with my wet hair. I’ll be there in 15.

> (Meeting someone after work) My boss called me into his office to chat about my recent performance. Another reason to have that drink. I’ll be there in 15.

> I can not find a place to park! This city is obnoxious. I’m circling around again. I’ll be there in 15.

> To keep this brief, my two roommates just ate Cocoa Puffs with expired milk. The projectile vomiting was a sight to behold. I’ll be there in 15.

> You just missed the red bull girls! So smoking, and I got her number. You could’ve chatted up the friend! Missing out. Anyway, I’ll be there in 15.

> Sorry, but the funeral scene for Aragog was on ABC Family, and I had to stay to watch Radcliffe do the pincers thing. I’ll be there in 15.

> Sorry I’m late but there was this mama duck and her baby ducks, and they were crossing the street, and I just had to snapchat that shit. I’ll be there in 15.

Now, not all of these will work for you, but in a bind, I’m sure one of these bad boys could get you through without hurting the feelings of that waiting friend!

Closing Chatter.

Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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