Posts Tagged With: Etiquette of Drinking

Women Kinda Rock

Chatter Commencing.

tina-fey-and-amy-poehler-600

I grew up with two older brothers. I had no sisters. I learned about life without women around. I didn’t really have the chance to live in close quarters with a girl until I was moving in with three at the same time. I’ve lived with only women since. They’re cleaner, always have candles, and don’t eat all of my food. It’s a win.

What I learned from the last several years is that women are pretty bad ass. And I really admire how strong you all are throughout the random happenings of life… (sorry to generalize throughout this article, BTdubb)

I always admire how you can pull yourself together if a random person enters the conversation when you’re heated. We were mid-argument when the pizza guy arrives. Suddenly, you’re like a perfect school girl, answering the door with a smile and a thank you. But the minute that bad boy closes, you’re able to flip the switch and blast us. I don’t have that control, and it’s very impressive that most of you ladies do.

Speaking of control, I really admire your self-control during your time of the month. I know that in the media, it is a common argument that women on their periods are the equivalent of a gigantic lizard raining terror down upon an entire city. Although I’ve never experienced menstruation and base all of what I know on word-of-mouth and the media, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sources are wrong.  I can never really tell when you girls are on your time. You keep it locked up. You don’t bitch. You are rockstars.

This goes double for girls I’m dating. When I’m with you constantly throughout the day, and we start fooling around late at night, and you stop me with a subtle, “sorry, my aunt flow is visiting,” I am baffled. Where was the evil devil woman? Nowhere. Just a delight who held it together all day and still brought spunk to the table. I truly admire this anti-stereotype.

Speaking of defying stereotypes, I also love it when a girl does something typically performed by a man and absolutely crushes it. I’m talking about the girl who runs train on everything in life. She knows how to change her own flat tire and the oil in her sleek Audi A4, (Love these). She also does her own finances, taking care of her monthly budget and taxes.

To be honest, my mom does our finances, so I can’t say it’s always a male task, but I love seeing you girls tackle tasks like these with ease. But more than just being able to accomplish these tasks, I really admire that you’ll do it with grit, determination, and a zero-shits-given attitude, all the while, brimming with confidence and spunk.

It makes me so happy to be living in the 21st century. Women are gaining their own place. It is great, and I am glad to watch you take control.

Also, shout out to Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. I love both Parks and Rec and 30 Rock. You two were great on SNL, great with your own shows, and are always classy as F$%k. Love you ladies.

Closing Chatter.

Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Love & Relationships, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Etiquette of Drinking

Chatter Commencing.

Etiquette is something that is taken for granted all the time. People don’t mind their Ps and Qs as much as they used to. Suddenly, chivalry is dying. I know it’s not dead, but it’s a fading art. What’s even worse is the lack of chivalrous actions between a man and his beverage. A man should always follow his gut, his lady, and the drinking rules below, although they also apply to ladies…

I have compiled this list over the past several years, and yes, I did snag a variety of them from Modern Drunkard Magazine’s much more extensive list… These are the most important ones that I live by to the T.

Rules About Shots

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Mmmmm.. Tequila

1. Experiment with your shots. You’re going to go through phases where you enjoy different types of shots… Love them all.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. The shot buyer makes the toast.

4. It goes Salt. Tequila. Lime. And if you ever want to buy me a shot, go tequila!

Rules About Drinking at the Barswoman-carrying-lots-of-beer-oktoberfest

5. Always move out of the way for someone carrying more than 2 drinks.

6. You are permitted to WOOO if and only if these 3 parts exists: You’re celebrating a win (personal, team, life) AND you’re in a group of 4+ people AND you have boobs.

7. No rule here.

Rules About Bartenders

8. When ordering a drink, make eye contact with the bartender, smile, and have your money out.

9. Leave a tip! Seriously. They’re working on a Friday night at 1 AM.

10. Never tell a bartender that your drink is too strong. If it’s too weak, order a double.

Rules About Drinking at Home

11. Never drink the first or last of your roommate’s beers. However, if the case is open, you’re more than welcome to snag a few.

12. The same law goes for liquor, but you’re only allowed one (round of) shot(s), if the seal is broken.

13. If you can’t afford to tip a bartender, see rule #9, drink at home.

Rules About Drinking at Friends’ Places

14. If you bring a bottle of booze, you offer the first round of shots to the host.

15. Additionally, you either finish the bottle, or it becomes a part of your friend’s liquor cabinet.

16. If you bring shitty beer to a party, you must drink at least 3 of said beer. Then you can switch over to the delicious brews in the fridge.

Rules About Drinking with your Friends

17. If a friend offers to buy you a drink, you get what you’re already drinking. No upgrading from rail to top-shelf on your friend’s dime.hb043-350a-two-people-toasting-with-beer-against-blue-sky_1920x1200_69139

18. When a friend asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes.

19. Never clink your friend’s glass and put your drink down without taking at least a sip.

20. If your friend buys the first round, reciprocate. Then pick up the back-and-forth pattern.

Rules About you when you’re Drunk

21. Don’t talk to yourself in the mirror at bars. People find it a bit off-putting.

22. If you think you’re slurring your words, you need a glass of water.

23. You are permitted to wander off in chase of any flighty temptress you notice. No one will notice for the first 30 minutes, if at all.

24. After your fourth drink, every person you meet will tell you their name. You’ll remember none of them.

Other General Guidelinestyrion

25. Learn to appreciate hangovers. It takes a lot of work to drink like a champion.

26. Your beer is always the colder, fuller one if someone asks.

27. Feel free to drink with a straw, but know that you are opening yourself up for harassment from your friends.

28. Try at least one new beer (or drink) a month

That’s it folks. If you can manage to stick to these rules, you’ll do just fine out there in the world of alcohol. So go drink, responsibly!

Closing Chatter.

Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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