Posts Tagged With: Relationships

Can You Date If …

Chatter Commencing.

I’ve dated my fair share of people. flowerFor the most part, they all started in generally the same fashion. I met the girl. We flirted. I got her number. We went out. If we hit it off, we continued dating. I would guess that most people have experienced this general relationship path before. However, there are a variety of situations that arise where, like a flower growing in the sidewalk, a relationship grows in an unlikely place. Each must be handled delicately. But if you keep your manners and communicate, you can build a lasting foundation, even on the slipperiest of slopes. So, without any more delay, I’d like to present my favorite game, Can you date if  __ ??? Let’s dive in boys and girls. Remember, I’m writing from my POV, so feel free to replace pronouns with your personal favorites, and also remember that this is generalized for mass consumption.

As a way of shedding light, I’m also going to be using some good old Friends references to explain certain situations.

Can you date if … she’s your friend’s sister?

This is one of the most over-used examples in television. Ross originally is distraught at the idea of Chandler and Monica dating, but comes around after they tell him it’s not just “fooling around.” The morale of Ross’ reaction is simple. If you’re going to date a friend’s sister, you gotta let him know ahead of time and/or that it’s more than just a fling. If you really like her, and she you, there should be no issue. Although, I highly suggest keeping the snogging to a minimum in front of him. (P.S. If anyone could draw the image of Ron nodding his head in approval of Harry & Ginny’s Kiss (Book Version), in say, 3 short comic pages, I would love you to death).

Can you date if … you work together?

I detail this particular issue in my “Company Ink” article, but I will say it again here. NO. Do not do it. It’s very tempting. It seems like the best idea. It sucks. The aftermath of an office romance creates crazy drama that no one really wants to deal with. So save yourself the time. Avoid the work fling.

On the other hand… the office fling is one of the hottest you’ll experience. The constant work flirt gets you revved up all day long, and when the end of the day rolls around, all hell breaks loose. My final conclusion? If it’s Elisha Cuthbert, I think the juice would be worth the squeeze.

Can you date if … she is 4 years younger than you? GG

I picked a random number here. I figured it didn’t matter where I started, but simply the rule I’ve learned and followed over the last half decade. It’s a little different than the commonly thought of Age/2 +7, I choose instead to add 9. Thus, when you start at 18, you can date another 18 year old. It keeps things a little tighter on the higher end, as well. Everyone has their own standards, but for example, if you’re 24, and you want to date some, she should be 21 (12+9).

Honestly though, if you really like the person, you can work past age. It really is just a pair of numbers. And remember, “Your age doesn’t define your maturity.”

Can you date if … she’s dated one of your friends?

Yes. With only one condition. Ask First. Seriously, it’s the easiest thing in the world. I’ve actually been asked before. They asked me together, saying that they were interested in hanging out, but didn’t want it to be weird. I said it was totally fine, and they dated for several years. However, I’ve seen the same type of situation blow up. After my buddy Matt broke up with his on again/off again girlfriend, his roommate Craig, started dating the same girl. Craig was trying to find the right way of telling Matt, but unfortunately, word got back to Matt via other sources, and the two guys had a major falling out. The two are still not friends to this day. It is very sad. They were like two peas in a pod. So, ask and then enjoy.

Can you date if … she’s dated more than one of your friends?

This is an interesting example. And if you’re involved in a tight group of mixed friends, the odds are that over the years, you’ll be intimate with different ones. For example, the friends crew has had mixed histories. Every single “Friend” has kissed every other friend, and a variety of them fooled around together. It’s inevitable. So if you think she’s worth your time, and you both feel that way, go for it.

Can you date if … she’s the town bicycle?

Of course. Aren’t all men the town bicycle, willing to give anyone a ride? Just because she can and does take advantage of that same thing, doesn’t mean anything. More power to her.

Can you date if … she met you while still dating her old boyfriend?

This is by far the hardest one for me to write about, because it happens more often than you think. See the Matt/Craig situation. The aforementioned female and Craig never hooked up before the relationship with Matt was over, but because it happened so quickly, it left Craig a bit nervous about her ability to commit. Their relationship was constantly strained and eventually it broke off.

The media has always said that, once a cheater, always a cheater. It is about will and mental fortitude. If she gave in to you when she was weak, what will stop her from giving in to someone else when the two of you are experiencing minor turbulence? Tread lightly on this one. That’s all I must say.

Last one.

Can you date if … you were best friends? Yes. Yes, a million times yes. The road upblocks for this one are pretty obvious. You both need to be single. You both need to be ready for someone. And you both need to find the other attractive. But the tricky part of this relationship is starting it. It’s very high risk, very high reward, and for some people it’s too risky. However, if you can get the timing right, you’re likely never to date again.

Now, my situations have been generalized, so please don’t barrage me saying that your situation is different and that I’m an idiot. Love works in really weird ways, so if you’re with someone wonderful, forget about how you met and focus on how that person makes you feel when you’re together.

Unless it’s your sister.

Closing Chatter.

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Categories: An Eclectic of the Eccentric, Love & Relationships, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Reasons Why I’d End a Budding Relationship

Chatter Commencing.

This is a message to all the ladies out there. Guys suck. I’m sorry, but we do. We end things in relationships so suddenly that you might be left wondering what went wrong! (To be completely fair, women do this too).

Now, if you’re a dude and you’re reading this, I’m sure not all of these are your dealbreakers too, but for me, they’re just quirks that will cause me to end things in the early stages of a relationship.

Remember, these rules/dealbreakers are not for established relationships, but instead, they’re about a person you’ve gone out with several times and find to be a potential “girlfriend.” But, when one of the following comes into play, I find myself seeking an out.

Unless you're Emma Watson, the hair above the shoulders look is hard to pull off.

Unless you’re Emma Watson, the hair above the shoulders look is hard to pull off.

So without further adieu, here are some of my biggest dealbreakers.

  1. You cut your hair too short. I really do apologize that this is on the list, but when a girl I was dating hacked off her long locks, the attraction I had was gone. I feel very shallow on this one, but only some people can pull off short hair.
  2. I met you at a bar, but you’re not actually 21. This one is not always a dealbreaker, but if we can’t go to bars together, it’s just not going to work. I am a Sconnie, and we’re definitely a bar-going crew. Additionally, I like being able to order a bottle of wine at dinner and splitting it with my date. It’s fun to swirl and sip. It’s more fun to swirl and sip with someone you are dating.
  3. One of us is moving. I’ve done long distance twice, and both ended poorly, with one party’s heart in shambles. I know that some couples can make long distance work, but unless I think I’m going to marry you, this is a dealbreaker that I can’t get over.
  4. We get along great, but there’s no WOW factor. Yes, I understand that this is vague, but not being out there enough is a dealbreaker. I am an outgoing guy, and I need someone that can keep up with me. If you’re not ready for a random water balloon fight or a spontaneous stop for ice cream, this won’t work.
  5. You smoke cigarettes.
  6. Your grammar sucks. If you don’t know the difference between you’re and your, I will find it very difficult to hang out with you. I know everyone makes typos, but if you’re consistently terrible with grammar, I just get annoyed and turned-off.
  7. You still use the word like in conversation. I’m not saying the I like turnips version. I’m like, referring to the like, trend or something. This guy gets it.
  8. You play on your phone while we’re eating. I get it. You love your smartphone. You love being able to text and tweet and post your meals on Instagram. But if I’m out to eat with you, I feel that you should be able to keep it in your pants for the duration of dinner, as you expect the same from me. If you really need to check something, go to the bathroom instead of whipping it out at the table. Because I just can’t get on board with you if you’re looking down at your own phone while out in public.
  9. You can’t interact with my friends without me. I’m a social butterfly and when I’m out and about, I love interacting with randos. I really love a conversation with someone I’ve never talked to. I want someone who can go out with me and some of my friends, and not need to lean on me the entire night. Social ability is a must.
  10. You haven’t read Harry Potter. I probably won’t actually break things off if you haven’t, but it will be a serious disappointment.
  11. You don’t drink at all. I don’t necessarily want a girl that goes out and gets white-girl-wasted every weekend night, but I am a big fan of hitting up happy hour after work. I need someone that can share a bottle of wine and a comfy couch with. Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing.
  12. You get jealous when I talk to other girls/women. I am MjAxMy1iNjJjMTFiYWExYzZiNzk5a firm believer in honesty and trust in a relationship. If we’re exclusively dating, I am totally fine with you flirting with friends at work, or the coffee shop guy, or a dude who wants to buy you a drink because I know that you’re not going to go past casual conversation. I only ask for the same courtesy, because sometimes, it’s not flirting; it’s just called being nice.
  13. You don’t text back. I know you’ve got your phone on you, so when I ask what your plans are, don’t read the message, and not respond for 45 minutes. It says “Read at 4:30” right on my phone. If you’re not texting back because you’re actually doing something, that’s great. But if you’re sitting at home watching netflix and you just decide to wait 45 minutes to respond, I’m out.

Wow, I am one picky little biotch. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons a bit… Nah, I’ll just wait for the right one.

Anywho, if you have any other dealbreakers that bug you, feel free to share them! I’d love to hear what other people think.

Stay tuned Friday for a peek into the moves I learned in college.

Closing Chatter.

Categories: Love & Relationships, Thought Catalog-Esque | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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